all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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