I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
