I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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