you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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