Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
