i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
