I cockslap morals
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
