We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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