he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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