Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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