I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
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