By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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