her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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