maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
