on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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