You're so nebulous sometimes
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
