im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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