dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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