just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
