I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
