you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
