it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Randomize
