wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
