you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
