I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It all started with a game of naked twister.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
