Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
How's work?
Spinning.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
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