Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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