I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
