Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Randomize
