and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
