I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
