just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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