How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
