I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
