I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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