God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
