.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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