Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
