i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Randomize
