if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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