No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
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