If i come over, it means nothing
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
