I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
