Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
