I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
