am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
