I want to make a zoo with you.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I can't turn off my feet"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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