Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Randomize
