You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
