did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
