Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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