I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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