You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
