Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
