At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
