I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
