people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
